A funny thing happened to me this morning. Every Saturday, my town has a farmer’s market, and hundreds of local farmers and bakeries and such come hawk their goods. There’s just about anything you could want – honey, bison jerky, bacon, greens, flowers, coffee, and infamously delicious hot and spicy cheese bread. Everything is really reasonably priced, to be sure, and there is always a TON of stuff.
Thousands of people come to the market on Saturdays. I woke up late, and decided to go anyway, but halfway up one side of the block, I got tired of slowly shuffling past dozens of people stopping to goggle at different booths. So, my companion and I decided to walk down a nearby street that is full of cool local shops, and to look around and see if we could find inexpensive sustenance elsewhere.
The other great thing about the farmer’s market here is that there are literally dozens of buskers who come out. Every Saturday, the square is filled with people and music, and while some musicians are clearly doing it just for the hell of it, there are always some budding virtuosos or some genuinely awesome folk singers. Today, though, something different happened.
As we were exiting a coffee shop, drinks in hand, I noticed that a very small boy was playing a violin across the street from us. I would guess his age to be around ten or eleven, his mother was nearby, and he had his instrument case open at his feet, clearly accepting any cash passersby would drop into it. I was floored by this kid. Not only was he playing some incredibly complex pieces, he was playing them from memory and for complete strangers, at 11 on a Saturday morning, for money.
Fun fact for the day: I play violin. Or rather, I used to play very seriously, I still own my own instrument, and have not touched it in several years. I play some other instruments as well, and for some reason I still consider myself a “musician”. I very rarely play music anymore.
Something inside me turned on, seeing this little boy out playing for the masses. I don’t know what it was, but it was a very inspiring sight. I don’t know if his parents put him up to it, and I never will know, but I don’t care – this guy is less than half my age, doing something he probably loves, and getting a little cash for it, too! It was also a brief lesson in giving children a lot of credit. That kid, regardless of it being his own idea or his parents’, is taking an active approach with a potential career path many people will say is useless or unrealistic or whatever. (If you’re reading this, kid: Screw what they say, little man, you are better than that, and you are an AWESOME violinist!)
I don’t know if you are going to find me on a street corner any day soon playing guitar or violin for some moolah, but it definitely got me thinking about what the heck I’m doing with myself. I go to work, punch a clock, do my thing, punch out, and come home. Aside from that, until the next school semester begins, I don’t have any pressing commitments. Why, then, am I doing nothing with all of my time? Why do I always tell myself I will get around to it, without actually ever getting around to it?
Yesterday there were two tragedies that occurred in Oslo, Norway. If by now you have not heard of them, the combined death toll of a bomb going off in a building in downtown Oslo and a man firing multiple guns at a youth camp on an island just off the mainland of the city is over 90. Dozens more are reported to be severely injured from these events, and several are still missing. My heart really goes out to all of the families of the people who were taken in such brutal ways. Nobody deserves that.
Today Amy Winehouse’s body was found in her house. She’s another member of the 27 club – musicians that died FAR too young, in unfortunate circumstances. Addiction or not, drug overdose or accident, it doesn’t matter. She will be sorely missed.
My point in mentioning these things is this: the majority of the people who died probably had some really great goals for their lives. Someday, maybe, they would get around to these things. Now, nobody will ever know, and it really serves as a reminder that life is a short, precious thing. Use the time you have however you want, but if you really want to go do something, don’t let anything stop you, slow you down, or hold you back.
Finding a new job can be a horrible, demeaning, difficult experience. Sifting through the good jobs and the bad jobs, the scams and the legitimate ads – it can all get to be too much. And then there are seemingly millions of people telling you to do this, or do that, or don’t bother with this…. It’s complicated! It’s one big slog through the mud and it’s not at all fun. Don’t let this stop you.
I know we can’t all have our dream job right away. If it were that easy, we’d be a much simpler society. I just wanted to tell those of you out there, the ones scanning Craigslist or the job ads in the paper, that it can and will get better. There’s something to be said for perseverance, some sort of motivational “you can do it, just keep trying” factor that, if one could harness it, would power a whole city. In no way am I telling you to compromise all the time or to lower your standards – that’s just setting yourself up for failure there. However, if you’ve got some pressing economic engagements (let’s say, you know, bills?), chances are you can’t have a garage sale big enough to cover them all. (Don’t let this stop you from trying, though!)
There are a bunch of people in my life who are seeking employment, or seeking better employment. There’s a difference among them, though – some are doing it just for the sake of doing it (a spouse or parent or someone is telling them to do it). There are a few others, however, who are doing it because they genuinely want to improve something. This is the difference between momentum to change and being a sheep – changing something about your life because you actually want it to change, or changing something about your life because someone else says you should change it.
As for me, my tenure in thrift retail is (most likely) at an end for ever. I liberated myself from the shackles of customer service, at least for the next few months. There have been a ton of people in my life who would like to take credit for telling me where and when I should apply to the place that hired me. There have been a ton MORE people who always seem to thoroughly enjoy putting me through numerous “Told-you-so”s and “I-was-right”s. This is probably even more exhausting than searching for a job in the first place. Don’t ever let this stop you.
Taking this big leap is a really scary thing – I grew up in the city where I currently live, and the job I just quit is the only job I’ve had in this zip code since I was 17 years old. It’s not so scary to stop me in my tracks, though. I’m advancing, I have momentum, and I know that this change gets me one step closer to where I want to be. To borrow from Steve at Nerd Fitness, I’m leveling up my life.
You can do it; don’t let whatever you think is standing in your way stop you.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: advice, exercise, life, Spooky Stuff, stress
Most people who know me know that I have an unreasonable obsession with all things zombie. I love watching the movies and reading the books, and I even go so far as to consider how I would escape from every building I enter, should zombies attack. What would my weapons be? Would I be able to outrun them even though I have flip-flops on?
Today I had the thought of being ready for this to happen, anywhere, any time. So, I made a list of the kinds of preparations one should make for when the dead rise to feast upon the living.
First things first, you need to be in shape. Obviously, zombies don’t run (I don’t care what Zack Snyder says to the contrary), but that doesn’t mean you won’t need to do some climbing, running, or jumping. Get your tail in gear and get in shape – do things that will build up muscle and some endurance; there are plenty of guides for this all over the internet. Favorites include one at Nerd Fitness here, and ZombieFit.
Next, you ever notice that going places with lots of stuff is difficult? You can’t take it all with you, so you might as well get rid of some of it now. In addition to being able to travel light without worrying about your former house being looted for whatever reason (lessening some mental strain for the majority of us), you won’t have to fret about carrying valuables with you that other living people may want to take for their own. For instance, I took the first steps and sold some old books that I haven’t touched in years just yesterday. I even made a whole 5 bucks. Have a garage sale, give them away – get rid of your crap. Man Vs Debt has an awesome guide on selling stuff. Who knows, when zack is after you, you might encounter some people who still think money is worth something.
These next two points are super-duper extra important. Having a way to defend yourself and having some quality foot protection are possibly the most vital things to your survival. Food can always be scrounged, but a good weapon and decent walking boots are hard to come by. Make sure you pick your implement wisely – hammers, crow bars, shovels, baseball bats, or heavy steel or lead pipes are all good choices, and they all have their merits and disadvantages. Consider whether you can swing one effectively enough, or quickly enough, to save your life. I keep looking at one of these, or potentially learning to use a decently-crafted machete. Do your homework and you’ll survive. The Zombie Combat Manual has a great section on hand weapons.
Back to footwear – have you ever gone hiking, or on a long walk? Have you ever done either activity in brand-new shoes? Your feet ache, you may have blisters, and this is all part of the fun process of breaking in your shoes (REI has an AWESOME guide to breaking in boots here).
It’s not a big deal in normal day-to-day situations, but if a zombie horde is chasing after you, the last thing you want is to have giant, painful blisters on your feet. Anything that slows you down or distracts you from your surroundings could mean the end of your life. Consider that you’ll be doing a lot of walking, some climbing, and in all kinds of weather. What boots are water-resistant, at the very least, but have a heavy enough sole to stomp a few zombie skulls in the process? These for men, and these for women, seem like reasonable options, but this is my own preference. As with all of these things, research what you think will suit you best, and do the work to break in your boots. This will save your life.
So what’s the point of all of this? If you put off the things you know you need to do, you’ll never get anywhere. You’ll never be anything more than another one in the crowd. Basically, you’re going to put off the things that will help you survive, and you’re just going to end up as another zombie. Another body, totally mindless, and devoid of individuality. It’s this simple: shamble with the horde, or survive.
Yesterday, I did something I haven’t done in months. It was scary, and very intense, and maybe a bit careless, and now I’m sitting here trying to figure out why I was so afraid.
So what was this thing that essentially had me shaking in my boots most of the day? I rebelled!
I did, I ate food in such a way that made taking insulin unnecessary, and I was fine.
How, might you ask, did I accomplish this?
Breakfast: 4 sausage links, 2 scrambled eggs
Snack: Beef sticks with pepperjack cheese
(there was a vigorous attempt at playing tennis here)
Dinner: Stir-fried pork with peppers, onions, and snow peas over rice
Snack: Paleo chili (ground beef, chunks of beef, no beans)
Aside from the super-boring white rice, no refined carbohydrates were harmed in the making of my foods. And, for that matter, no refined carbohydrates were able to harm me, either. I know there are people out there who advocate for whole-grain rice and not the instant white rice stuff, and maybe I’ll get into that another day.
My blood glucose has been normal all day, even with errand-running and some tennis involved. No insulin. No needles, no finding a semi-secluded place to stick myself in the belly. It’s really nice to finally have a day where I almost feel normal. I did keep careful track of my BG levels, and I made sure to have emergency glucose tablets on-hand for the adventures and sports. I gotta tell you, having a day where I don’t need insulin feels like Christmas.
Being able to have a day like this, having an extra-normal day, is a big deal to me. I’m not saying my doctors aren’t educated professionals, and I’m certainly not saying they’re stupid. I think this alternative is the best one for me at this point in my life. The whole experience was kind of terrifying, and I feel a bit like a kid skipping school – you know it could’ve been bad, you know what everyone thinks you should be doing, but you don’t care and you do it anyway. Things turned out better than expected. Most importantly, I am reminded of why I decided to make the switch to Paleo in the first place. It was for days like this.
I’m not sure what is in the water this month. If there’s something in the air, it needs to stop being so poisonous. It needs to stop being infectious. It needs to stop causing everyone to drag others down. See, lately I’ve been hearing a lot in terms of “no”. I’ve heard it from my current employers, my family, some friends, but in particular, totally random strangers. I’m sick of it. What gives all of these people the right to tell me “no” or “you can’t do that”? How the hell do you know? Maybe I can, and maybe, even if I fail, I want to show that I’m at the very least not afraid to try. Is that what scares people? Being shown that even failure can be more meaningful than never trying in the first place?
I’m perplexed. Even when I do take someone’s suggestion and change something (say, my employment or education situation), someone will inevitably come up with a new thing to say “no” to. What drives our culture of “you can’t do this”? What fuels the worshipers of the no?
I really think it’s that they are all too afraid to do something, and they’re bitter about it. When they see someone else about to spread their wings and make something happen, they resent it so much to the point that they say it will never work out, it will never happen, and they’ll laugh at the downfall of such a foolish person and their foolish act.
I think this is bullshit. What happened to the guidance counselor “You can be whatever you want to be, don’t think you have to wear the same hat your father wore” speech I’d hear five times a month in high school? Does that all change once I have a diploma? Why? What is it about the “real world” and “growing up” that damages that hopefulness, that cripples all of us to the point where we can’t even attempt to be anything but what everyone else expects?
I have two big “for-instances” in my own life, involving work and school. I have worked for the same retail store since high school, albeit on and off. After being at the same store for over two years, and after some effort and numerous promises to myself, I have finally found employment elsewhere. It’s very difficult for me to stay excited about this because of the people in my life who constantly tell me what I should have done, and what I ought to have done differently. Yes, I realize I could have searched harder or applied to this place sooner, or called someone back after turning in my resume – does that make any difference now? More importantly, does that really do anything positive for anyone, to tell me what I should have done instead of what I ended up doing?
Obviously the answer is no. I don’t like hearing the “I told you so’s” “should haves” – I think the entire concept of “should” has always been idiotic, simplistic, and overused. Most everyone who knows me anyway knows that I’m not entirely taken with the idea of falling in step with most expectations, as it is.
The second experience I have is with school. I have always been pushed, both by myself and others, to do well in school. In high school, I figured out I could achieve less and still get by, and this trend has (unfortunately) followed me to college. Between this and my transferring of schools (twice now), I am six years into obtaining my four-year degree. The name of the degree itself, “four year”, is silly – I don’t know very many people who have gotten a bachelor’s degree in ANYTHING in four years. Many friends, including some older than I, still don’t have a degree. I am really in no rush to get this done. I know that some doors will open when I do finally graduate with a BA, but at the moment, I really enjoy going to classes and learning things and writing papers. I love being a student.
The problem with this situation is that, again, there seems to be an (at times) overwhelming sentiment, very clearly expressed by some people, that I should already be done, that I should just suck it up and finish. This is all regardless of what I want to do, and what practical limitations may be involved. I can’t decide if it is jealousy, or the misguided notion that once I have a degree I will magically have an amazing career in whatever that fuels these statements. All I know is that it really bothers me.
Why does everyone get force-fed the same spoonful of “be an individual” cod liver oil, then get punched in the gut for actually swallowing it?
Perhaps not by chance, I have found (recently) several internet blogs that seem perfectly attuned to my needs and mindset as of late. It’s as though several lightbulbs are exploding over my head, and things seem to be clicking into place. Behind these posts are some of the most interesting, motivated people, and they all seem to be doing exactly what they want to do – on their own terms. They’ve all given conventional wisdom and society at large the big proverbial bird, and they’re doing just fine.
This is my new inspiration. This is where I am learning how to take my life, mold it to what I want, and I’m excited. This excitement is only the beginning.
I would totally blog more often if my life were more interesting. So, what’s been happening the past two months? School, and work. Well, school’s done for the summer now, and it was fun but uneventful. That leaves work. Oh goody – let’s discuss my job.
We got a new store manager a couple months ago. He’s a good guy and knows his stuff, that’s for sure. He gets things done when you ask for them and he is pretty non-judgmental in that he doesn’t care if you like him or not. It’s quite an admirable quality in retail.
I was moved from my position pricing clothing (where I could wear my iPod and swear a lot) back to the sales floor where I must now suffer the slings and arrows of constant customer service and in-store muzak. Shoot me now.
I’ve been out there a couple of weeks, and already I feel the need to strangle nearly everyone else who works on the floor. The other cashiers have apparently retconned themselves into believing that I’m a new-hire who doesn’t know what she’s doing. They use this as license to boss me around, which I thoroughly resent, reject, and rebuke at every opportunity. It’s actually my new favorite sport.
The other great part is that, now that I don’t have a super-rigid, set schedule, I am a bit off my game in my head. Coming in and leaving at odd hours freaks me out, and there’s a great kicker here: all my fellow cashiers now have my phone number. There’s a contact sheet in case someone needs to switch shifts or call in sick or something. This is a great idea in theory. In practice, however, I get a LOT of random text messages asking me to work certain days. Coincidentally, nobody asks me IN PERSON when I can see the schedule and actually am thinking about work. They ask me on days off when I don’t even remember when I’m originally scheduled to work, and the pestering is driving me mad.
If not for the way I was asked, several times, I’d have switched a lot more. I’ve already changed THREE SHIFTS in the first two and a half weeks I’ve been on the sales floor. It’s amazing, isn’t it? I never had to worry about this before, and suddenly everyone wants to know if I will be a pushover on shift-trading. Well, I won’t. I definitely pissed off two of my coworkers by politely refusing their requests. If you want to do something but you’re working a closing shift on Saturday night, maybe you should’ve planned ahead. Instead, I get treated like I have nothing better to do. Never you mind that I don’t have specific plans – maybe I just want to spend the night with my girlfriend! – the answer is no.
What’s funny is that through all this unnecessary stupidity, I still have to be nice to about 50 strangers each shift! The joys of customer service jobs; will wonders never cease? I have managed to impress the people who are in charge of running the store, so that’s a plus. I just wish that meant an increase in pay. At least I know what to expect on that front.
Being back on the floor is alright, despite my complaints to the contrary. I do like it, and I do like interacting with people other than the production team. It almost makes me feel like I have normal social skills again, so that’s good. It also makes me happy when there’s a significant increase in the eye candy in the store. No, I don’t mean fancy shirts, I mean the LADIES. Good lord, Madison has some attractive young women!
I’ll try to fill y’all in on my adventures this summer. I’ve promised someone that we’ll actually have adventures, and I may even remember to bring a camera this time. Wish me luck.
So this paleo diet business, it’s amazing. It really is! I’m not trying to sound like some crappy 3-AM infomercial, but this diet is not as hard to stick to as I thought it would be, and more beneficial than I thought it would be.
Eating tons of protein-heavy meals, and more vegetables, I dropped a full pants size in literally 2 weeks (and that’s stretching the time a bit, just by the way). I felt so great, I looked great, and I was on the up and up. I would eat until I was full, and I would stay full and things would be good.
And then, I got to house-sit for my boss. She bought hot pockets, pizza rolls, sandwich stuff, and all sorts of junky food that I had been trying to avoid. Hey, it was free, so I ate it. And I felt AWFUL. More interestingly, I felt hungry all of the time. The two and a half days I spent keeping an eye on someone’s house and pets were the least satisfying days I’ve had in weeks. I was eating a ton of food, taking a ton of insulin, and I felt sluggish, lousy, and HUNGRY. Constant hunger, even though I was stuffing my face. Even a few days later, having started the long climb back onto the wagon of the paleo diet, I have weird hunger thoughts. I had bacon and eggs for breakfast (lots of both), and I have been thinking about eating all day.
I need to re-curb my junkfood habit, too, because I’ve been kind of bad the past couple days at work. This is what happens when I have a mind to eat chocolates and chips and cash in my wallet. The cash and food disappear to their respective receptacles, and I am left feeling weak-willed, broke, and more than a bit ill.
On a more exciting note, I finally killed a Novolog pen. Prior to adopting a semi-paleo way of eating, I would go through one pen every week and a half or so (300 units of insulin per pen, minimum 8 units injected for 3 meals a day… Do the math). Needless to say, I was going through it all rather quickly, and needed a new order of this stuff every month. I picked up this most recent order on March 3, and it is now March 28. That’s TWICE as long as the maximum life of the old way of doing things for me, and I’m kind of amazed. I’m a little worried about pushing the use-by limit. The box says it’s safe for 28 days, but I don’t think I’ll really run into that problem. If I do, well, I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
Today I didn’t eat until I went to a restaurant and got a slice of quiche to-go. Filling my face with ham, cheese, a lot of egg, and a little puff pastry crust was probably the greatest feeling I’ve had in awhile. The food I choose to eat now just feels clean. I cook it, or (even in the case of this piece of quiche!) I know who has cooked it, and I just feel really damn good about these choices.
Thanks for reading this.
Sorry for the lack of updates… Life has thrown a few curveballs, in just about every way imaginable. There have been death issues, money issues, job issues, personal relationship issues, and health issues for just about everyone I know. I have never known a February to last so long or be so eventful.
Anyway, I had to up my thyroid meds again. And my Lantus (slow-acting insulin) dosage had to be increased. I’m not a fan of all of this.
Ever since the holidays I have fallen off the wagon of eating right, and I have fallen HARD. I am thinking that, for the month of Lent (even though I’m not religious), I’m going to give up junk food. I am also probably going to take some steps to get a little closer toward eating in the style of the Paleo Diet. This is a way of cutting out the majority of carbohydrates, particularly the refined ones. I like to call it “bread veganism”. No bread, no pasta, no potatoes, that kind of thing. Also, though, this diet limits dairy intake.
The idea is to remove foods that cause inflammatory responses in one’s body. It makes sense – food makes you bloated, don’t eat it. Messes with your digestive system, stop putting it in your digestive system.
SO being from Wisconsin, and being who I am, I will not be giving up dairy. I love cheese, I love milk in my coffee. I do, however, eat a lot of sandwiches and bagels and things. And cereal. Mmm, cereal. Anyway, the refined things in my diet should go. I need to make an effort to replace them with fruits and vegetables, both because I will be skinnier, and because I will be healthier.
I need to eat more fruits anyway. The doctor said so!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: advice, diabetes, exercise, life, stress
So the last post, the one about things being overwhelming? Ha.
Things went from bad to worse, and I realize I am about to sound like I am making all of this up.
My dog died. My uncle died a week later. There was a massive blizzard, our hot water heater kicked the bucket, and my little brother tore cartilage in his shoulder when he dislocated it. A good friend of mine just broke up with her boyfriend of almost a year and a half. My own relationship needs a lifeboat. Hell, even my boss is having a rough time with our new district manager. Everyone is grumpy and things seem terrible.
Diabetes-wise, I am fine. I can’t seem to find the motivation to get back to the gym like I said I would, though. I feel the urge to run, but not on a treadmill. Not outside. No – I want to run away.
I used to want to run away from being diabetic. I’m not sure if I’ve realized that I can’t outrun this, or if I have just grown so complacent. I wanted to skip town and be a different person, live someone else’s life with a working pancreas. Now I don’t care if my pancreas has bitten the big one or not. I just want things to be better for everyone. Seriously, when everyone in your life is pretty much miserable, what do you do?
Tell me, any or all of you, do you do what you want to do? Are you living a life that makes you happy? Do you love your job, your living situation, your love life situation? What would you change? How? Why?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: advice, diabetes, exercise, life, Miscommunications, school, stress
I am pretty sure that whoever first said, “When it rains, it pours” didn’t quite grasp what effect that statement could actually have. Things are rough. Things are very VERY rough for a couple of the people I am closest too, and for myself. They could always be worse, but right now that’s not what anyone can focus on. Sometimes people are afraid of their feelings. They (myself included) think that squishing down every bad thought, not letting themselves cry, and soldiering on, are the best courses of action. I have been slowly discovering that this is simply untrue. By letting it out, feeling bad, and screaming/crying/throwing things, you get the bad energy out. It all comes out, and then you can move on. Holding it in means holding onto it. This could be a grudge, it could be based in fact or it could be blown out of proportion.
I am now about to share with you some very important words. Ready? All right.
THAT DOES NOT MATTER.
What matters is your health, both mental and physical. What matters is the love you have for anything. What matters is the GOOD things, not the bad. Focus on those.
If you can’t focus on the good things, then what is the point? I’m not advocating suicide OR depressive thoughts here. I’m trying to tell you that there is always at least one good thing. Are you homeless? Are you car-less? Do you have anyone to talk to? Do you have a job, even if you hate it? Are you in school? If you don’t think there’s anything good in your life, then MAKE something good in your life. Make it happen. I’m not saying it won’t be hard. It will probably be terribly difficult. But it will also probably be worth it. Wouldn’t it be worth it to take care of yourself? Wouldn’t it be better to improve the quality of life?
The biggest thing I’ve learned, through this whole “You have diabetes, this is the rest of your life, have fun!” experience, is that there is always going to be something hanging over your head. There’s always going to be a reason NOT to do something. There’s always going to be things that challenge, things that provide a way out, things that make you not do the things you can or should do.
Screw that. I’m going back to the gym. I’m going to finish school. I’m going to have the life I have wanted, and having diabetes and thinking that I am held back and all of that other utter crap, that’s not going to stop me.
Tell me… What’s stopping you?
