Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: advice, exercise, life, Spooky Stuff, stress
Most people who know me know that I have an unreasonable obsession with all things zombie. I love watching the movies and reading the books, and I even go so far as to consider how I would escape from every building I enter, should zombies attack. What would my weapons be? Would I be able to outrun them even though I have flip-flops on?
Today I had the thought of being ready for this to happen, anywhere, any time. So, I made a list of the kinds of preparations one should make for when the dead rise to feast upon the living.
First things first, you need to be in shape. Obviously, zombies don’t run (I don’t care what Zack Snyder says to the contrary), but that doesn’t mean you won’t need to do some climbing, running, or jumping. Get your tail in gear and get in shape – do things that will build up muscle and some endurance; there are plenty of guides for this all over the internet. Favorites include one at Nerd Fitness here, and ZombieFit.
Next, you ever notice that going places with lots of stuff is difficult? You can’t take it all with you, so you might as well get rid of some of it now. In addition to being able to travel light without worrying about your former house being looted for whatever reason (lessening some mental strain for the majority of us), you won’t have to fret about carrying valuables with you that other living people may want to take for their own. For instance, I took the first steps and sold some old books that I haven’t touched in years just yesterday. I even made a whole 5 bucks. Have a garage sale, give them away – get rid of your crap. Man Vs Debt has an awesome guide on selling stuff. Who knows, when zack is after you, you might encounter some people who still think money is worth something.
These next two points are super-duper extra important. Having a way to defend yourself and having some quality foot protection are possibly the most vital things to your survival. Food can always be scrounged, but a good weapon and decent walking boots are hard to come by. Make sure you pick your implement wisely – hammers, crow bars, shovels, baseball bats, or heavy steel or lead pipes are all good choices, and they all have their merits and disadvantages. Consider whether you can swing one effectively enough, or quickly enough, to save your life. I keep looking at one of these, or potentially learning to use a decently-crafted machete. Do your homework and you’ll survive. The Zombie Combat Manual has a great section on hand weapons.
Back to footwear – have you ever gone hiking, or on a long walk? Have you ever done either activity in brand-new shoes? Your feet ache, you may have blisters, and this is all part of the fun process of breaking in your shoes (REI has an AWESOME guide to breaking in boots here).
It’s not a big deal in normal day-to-day situations, but if a zombie horde is chasing after you, the last thing you want is to have giant, painful blisters on your feet. Anything that slows you down or distracts you from your surroundings could mean the end of your life. Consider that you’ll be doing a lot of walking, some climbing, and in all kinds of weather. What boots are water-resistant, at the very least, but have a heavy enough sole to stomp a few zombie skulls in the process? These for men, and these for women, seem like reasonable options, but this is my own preference. As with all of these things, research what you think will suit you best, and do the work to break in your boots. This will save your life.
So what’s the point of all of this? If you put off the things you know you need to do, you’ll never get anywhere. You’ll never be anything more than another one in the crowd. Basically, you’re going to put off the things that will help you survive, and you’re just going to end up as another zombie. Another body, totally mindless, and devoid of individuality. It’s this simple: shamble with the horde, or survive.
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Thank you. I needed this. Procrastination is one of my worst qualities.
On a side note, I think it’s totally logical to get ready for the possibility of a zombie apocalypse. In fact, I’m getting in shape just for that reason. I figure that if I get in shape for that, I’ll never have an excuse to let myself get back out of shape. Because, who knows when the zombies might attack.
Great piece of writing.
Comment by darthbergen July 8, 2011 @ 11:02 pmHey, thanks for taking the time to read this and the kind words.
Comment by actoretc July 12, 2011 @ 11:34 pm